Today, I so wanted to give in to the rage, frustration, helplessness, and confusion that my contractor tends to cause me whenever I hear from him lately. This morning he started early by sending me an email with information that I really didn't want to hear. That set the tone for the day; or so I thought.
First message is about a huge cost overage that we haven't approved, then others with more unexpected costs, followed by yet another useless email with something I requested days ago. I was shooting reply emails back as fast as I was getting his and feeling like I was getting my point across. Apparently, I was wrong. I have yet to get a reply from him to any of the messages & texts I sent him today. Boy, does that tend to set me off! That, and someone who doesn't keep promises they make. That, and men who cannot seem to find a way to treat me as a human and talk to me like they would if my male counterpart were asking the questions. I get so frustrated, I find myself turning into Frankenstein. I will realize that I'm stumbling around the room with my hands in the air, making strange sounds that sound like the ones Frankenstein would make when the villagers got too close with the fire. You know that noise? I'm getting so good at it.
By mid afternoon, still without any response from him, I was wound up even tighter about contractors because I had spent many minutes texting with my sister-in-law, then speaking on the phone with her, about HER contractor and how he isn't fulfilling his promises (read 'professional obligations' here) to her either. At that point, if I had needed something out of a can & couldn't find a can opener - no problem; I would have just shredded the can to empty the contents. Sadly, that doesn't sound like an exaggeration to me. I was really wound up!
When I get that way, I sometimes can't decide what I should do. I know I should calm down, think logically, find a solution, don't scream at any 'innocents' in my way, and definitely stop stomping around yelling 'aaaaaarrrrrrrrr', 'rrraaaaaarrrrrrrrr' the whole time. I feel helpless to get my contractor to really listen to me and do what I ask him to do. I wanted a confrontation with him, but he either never got my messages, or chose to ignore me all day. I'm going with the latter. So, I stewed over it all day. Most of the day. Enough to ruin my entire day. Almost.
At one moment during this day of disasters, I was putting something away when I suddenly remembered that I have the choice to be angry or not. The choice to be angry and take it out on the nearest soul. I have the choice to turn the day around and make it different. Thats usually too many choices for me. More than 3 and I start hyperventilating and asking a complete stranger nearby to make my choices for me. I never did make any. Not today.
What I did decide to do was to hole up here in the Tin Cottage, and do nothing. I wanted to be angry, for some reason, and I couldn't do that anywhere else. The day changed for me, when I decided to go take some photos of the house for reference.
I grabbed my cell phone, got on my bike, called the dog to follow, and headed down to the house to take some pictures and some measurements. I no longer take anyone else's word on anything, right now. By the time I got down there, dusk was just peeking its head in for the evening. The sky began to turn a dusty pink, then a brighter pink in just a few minutes. I was so eager to get back and fix some supper, then get ready for bed. But, I stayed. Oh, I'm so glad I did.
A few minutes later, I was feeling less anger, less frustration, less stress. I noticed the fields around the house were all brilliant green, there were birds flitting around playing their version of tag. I turned to head down the driveway and go back toward my place when I heard the sound of wings beating, and it sounded as if they were right over me! Well, they almost were. I turned to look and saw a giant crane swooping toward me as if he meant to have me, and my little dog too, for dinner! He was huge and he was swooping. I ducked just in time to see him land in an oak tree nearby. I walked toward the tree and, I imagine, spooked him so he flew off the tree and into the nearby timber.
I wanted to see where he had gone and had my eyes looking in that direction when I noticed movement in the trees next to the creek. I don't see far off very well, but I was sure something moved, so I got very still and waited. In a minute, or so, a doe walked out of the trees and put her ears up. She checked the field first, then without my seeing her do so, she gave the O.K. for the little ones to come out to have their evening meal in the brome field. The twins wanted to jump and play, but momma instructed them, I'm sure, how to be cautious when out in the field. It was obvious they just wanted to play. They jumped, kicked, and ran. That's all they did,but it was glorious watching them! I had knelt down in order to keep from disturbing them. It was so beautiful, I felt like crying.
I tried to take a photo of them, silly me. It was just barely night, but still too dark for me to take a picture. Then I noticed the two eagles in the tree...
Within a few hundred yard area, I witnessed a large gray crain; three dear playing in the field; and then two eagles sitting in the very top of a large tree down by the creek. I was overwhelmed with what I had witness and that I was chosen to have the experience.
Without those animals this evening, I don't know if my mood would have turned around or not. I'd like to think that they helped change my mood; I was suddenly feeling extremely blessed, not cursed. I got on my bike and slowly began the ride back to the tin cottage. The sun was setting, the frogs began their songs, and the moon popped over the house and trees just to say goodnight.
"Good night moon," I said. Then I offered a thanks to the universe for allowing me to experience all that had seen down by the house that is to soon be my home. I am a very, very blessed person. The port-o-potty and the jambalaya just don't seem that important now...I'll save those for another day. I just want to finish enjoying this one.
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